It was the year 1988 when I was faced with the most life-altering decision of my life. Not having a clue as to which direction to go, I was drawn to the desert for a vision quest. Going anywhere by myself, let alone on a journey into the unknown territory was both frightening and energizing. But I was determined to find answers to my daunting questions.

All I remember of the long drive to Eastern Washington was me singing at the top of my lungs to the song, “I Still Haven’t Found What I Am Looking For” by U2. I think I was trying to drown out my fears.

Driving across the bridge spanning the Columbia River brought me into the barren rocky landscape of Vantage. I found an empty stall, I parked my station wagon, grabbed my backpack and started walking with determination into the vast empty desert. The bell on my feather rang out with each step alerting the spirits of the land that I came in peace.

Hot and sweaty, I hiked farther and farther away from the safety of my car and the ugly power lines that reminded me of the one thing I feared most – white men. Finding a circle of rocks, I dropped my heavy backpack which landed with a thud, retrieved my Indian blanket, and laid it down inside the cover of stones.

After stripped off all my clothes, I reverently picked some sweet-smelling sage and began to rub it all over my naked body while praying that the desert would accept me. I unpacked my crystals and sacred objects and placed them around me with the intention of protection and with connecting to the Divine.

In the East I placed yellow and golden items honoring the rising sun, the spirits of the East, the color of yellow, and the element of air. I called these energies into my sacred space to illuminate my mind, body and soul. Next, facing the South, I placed red stones and called in the element of fire, the color red, and the coyote (the trickster) welcoming its teachings of trust and innocence. Facing West, I placed black crystals while calling in the element of water, the color black, the raven, and guidance through introspection. In the North, I set clear quartz crystals while calling on my ancestors’ wisdom, the color white, and the element of earth, to join my circle of power.

Grounding myself to my earth mother, I brought her nurturing energies up into my heart chakra. Raising my arms high overhead, I prayed to the father sky and the universe to guide and lead me in the right direction. When I stepped out of my circle of crystals, I was reminded of all the amazing, powerful people I have drawn into my life, filling me with overwhelming gratitude.

Then I went in search of sticks and dried sage to build a fire for warmth through the night. After a while I looked up and realized all the rocks looked the same and I couldn’t see my space. I was struck with a moment of panic until my sacred objects called me back home.

Nighttime approached and a blanket of stars appeared above me like sparkling frost, and with that, a knowing that there was no turning back. The silence was deafening as was the pounding of my heart beating within my chest. Sleeping on freezing, rock-hard earth with no food caused me suffering and a wanting for daybreak, warmth, and light.

The clear morning sky brought with it a sliver of a new moon, new beginnings and no answers. It was time to surrender to the Divine and trust all was unfolding for the highest and best for all concerned. I am as strong and independent as I am today by having chosen the hardest path back then. Even a butterfly turns to mush before it can fly.